He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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