the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
