Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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