Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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