Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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