I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
