I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
