Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
