In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
