I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
