I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
