This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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