The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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