your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
