Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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