don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
