I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
