Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
