wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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