If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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