I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
