Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
