you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
