if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
