Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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