Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
