Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
