I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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