all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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