New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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