last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
