I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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