what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
pray to the hookup gods
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
