I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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