someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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