i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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