Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize