guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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