it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
