The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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