i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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