i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I intend to get homeless drunk
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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