This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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