hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
