The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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