i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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