Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You ruined the universe
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