I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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