Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
