Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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