She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
