i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We just shotgunned beers for America
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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