we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
