I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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