There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
