1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
