I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
