yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
