I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
