i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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