are you so shy because you have an std?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
