She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize