TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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