I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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