My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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