And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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