as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Enjoy the penises
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
