my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
