Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
