OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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