Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
