Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize