I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
