So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
