Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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