Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
