If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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