Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
